The Times We're Living In

I’ve been calling my parents regularly since we began stay-at-home practices in March. We usually try to find things to laugh about, books to summarize for one another, little accomplishments like a new recipe with ingredients straight for the garden, and we limit commentaries on the state of our national affairs as well as those closer to home, like the overwhelmingly undeniable faint orange glow that evokes a nuclear disaster here in California. Last night, however, my mom asked whether we were talking about these things as a family, namely, the current developments around our government. She said it is important that they are aware and educated about this historic time for the U.S., not to mention, a valuable opportunity for some lessons in civics. When I asked her if she meant I should be exposing them to media messaging and shroud them in a cloud of doom, she retreated a little, saying “vocabulary, like ‘collusion’, are important lessons and examples to grasp”.

Do I love the times we’re living in? No. Do I think it’s relevant to stay abreast of the world around me? Yes. And I also think of Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, who says as adults, “we’ve seen issues evolve and resolve; we’ve seen how history reshapes the social and political landscape. As adults we have ways of prioritizing our concerns, of seeing “the times we live in” in various lights, and through various contexts. Children don’t have the mental faculties to process a lot of information that way, especially information about issues and things far beyond their scope of reference. Too much information does not “prepare” a child/teen for a complicated world; it paralyzes them.” When a foundation of safety is established for our children, it makes further exploration possible. Our adult anxieties and concerns should not be the atmosphere, a haze of too much information, that they breathe. Children need to know that theirs is a good world. They need to feel that they are cared for by those they love, and that they are where they should be, doing what they need to be doing. They have a place, in a time and a world of hope and promise.

Sharing and discussing current events IS a part of active parenting, however, this kind of information needs to be balanced with doing. A child/teen, is preparing for world issues in their own ways, in vigorous interaction with their immediate sensory environment, their childhood/teen world. Through play, problem solving and critical thinking, they are gathering the mental flexibility they’ll need to make a difference in the larger world.

As parents, we serve them well when we talk less and convey a sense of confidence and competence in the world. Your kids will tell you what they need to know if you listen carefully enough.